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Saturday, February 07, 2009

GI JOE THE MOVIE a quick recap (Cartoon movie) spoiler warning?

Cobra gets their own theme song.
Cobra commander tries to blow up the statue of liberty.
The joes thwart their efforts.
Serpentor calls Cobra Commander a crappy leader.
Destro, Baroness, Dr. Mindbender, and Tomax and Xamot agree with Serpentor.
A bald lizard lady comes out of the earth and tells Serpentor he was created by 40,000 year old snake people who live underground (Cobra-La).
The leader of the snake people is Burgess Meredith (Mick from Rocky) but his name in the cartoon is Golobolus.
New GI Joes are introduced. Tunnel Rat, Jinx, the NBA dude, Lt. Falcon.
Lt. Falcon is Duke's half brother. Duke promised their mother he'd watch out for Falcon.
Falcon is a real screw up. The GI Joes invent the "B.E.T." (Broadcast Energy Transmitter) which will "Solve the world's energy crisis".
Falcon is tasked with guarding the BET and he deserts his post to flirt with Jinx.
Cobra breaks in and steals the BET and some Joes get wounded
Falcon is court marshalled. The only thing that saves him is Duke vouching for him. Falcon is sent to the "Slaughterhouse" so Sgt. Slaughter can whip him into shape.
The Cobra-La folks set up the BET so they can release snakey plant pods into the earth's orbit, and plan to use the BET to heat them up in space and relase spores over the entire world that will turn all humans into mindless snake zombies.
The Joes try to steal the BET back. They fail. Many get imprisoned. Road Block escapes.
Meanwhile, Cobra Commander gets pwned by Golobulus and turned into a snake. He escapes with Roadblock.
Roadblock gets whupped by Nemesis Enforcer and RB goes blind in the process.
He teams up with Cobra Commander to escape and warn GI Joe about the spores.
Sgt. Slaughter whups Falcon into shape.
Duke gets wounded by Serpentor by jumping in front of a snake spear meant for Falcon. Duke goes into a coma.
The Joes stop the Cobra-La folks just in time and Falcon redeems himself by being a big hero. The BET activated the spores but Falcon turns up the juice and fries them all in space.
The BET blows up but the Joes have enough time to escape. The CobraLa HQ is blown to all hell.
GI Joe saves the day. Duke comes out of his coma.
The End.

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