Bill Clinton claims "maximum pwn-age" over Obama

DALLAS, TX - Bill Clinton, stumping for his wife in Texas, named himself the master of "pwnage" today.

In a 23 minute speech, Mr. Clinton spent 19 minutes pwn-ing Obama. "Barak Hussein Obama is a wanabe. PWNED!" He blurted. Other notable quotes from the speech included, "I eat chumps like Barak for brunch. Yo, Obama, you can talk the talk, but you can't walk the walk. How does it feel to be pwned yet again by an ex-president?", and "Obama? OBAMA? Are you freakin' kidding me? I say NOBama. I say YOBama, We don't want YOBama in the White House, Barak! I say, you should change your name to PWNED-Bama!". The crowd went wild, which further fuled Bill Clinton's tirade: "Hey, Barak, mano-y-mano here, I'm tellin' ya, give it up while you still can. You don't stand a chance against the great Hillary machine. She pwns guys like you for brunch every morning, noon, and afternoon!" Clinton continued, "He talks about change? He talks about hope? Listen, buddy, I invented hope. I still believe in a town called change, punk! PWNED again, B. Hussein!".

Obama supporters finally got a word-in edgewise after that comment. One man, carrying a sign that read "OBAMA = ROCKS" shouted at Mr. Clinton, "I'll PWN you, Billy-boy! I don't give a rat's ass that your wife used to be president! You ain't got crap on Obama, pally!" Mr. Clinton was quick to retort, "Hey, Obama man, PWND, PWND, PWND, PWND, PWND and PWND! How's it feel? That's what I thought!"

As he was exiting the stage after the speech, Mr. Clinton was overheard saying that he should probably look up 'pwned' in the urban dictionary to make sure he's using it in the proper context. Sycophants agreed.